Teacher Rules
by Caffeinated Star
Summary: Violators of the rules, beware.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all! I'm back. This came randomly and probably won't be updated, so don't expect more. To anyone reading any of my other fics: don't worry! I'll update them soon! School's been a bitch lately, but it's almost over (thank God). Enjoy! Reviews are much appreciated.  
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**Teacher Rules**

If Professor Snape asks you to help him with his potion, do not accept. Chances of poison are high.

"_I don't poison people that much, do I Albus?"_

"_Are you sure you want me to answer that question, Severus?"_

Do not piss Professor McGonagall off. It is not funny. Well, it is for a second, but then you get transfigured into something and probably are a laughing stock for the rest of the week.

"_The best time was when she turned Lockhart into a monkey," commented Professor Sprout._

"_Much agreed," said Professor Flitwick."_

Do not make fun of Professor Flitwick's height, because you might find yourself charmed to spout some inane crap for a week afterwards.

_This was a long running rule going all the way back to the 1970s when James Potter had to sing anything he wanted to say for a week. At this time, they also found out that James Potter could not sing very well, which was very unfortunate for his three best friends._

Never, and we mean NEVER EVER; try to escape the Hospital Wing. She will only keep you there longer.

_Rumor has it that Professor Kettleburn had to stay there three weeks after trying to escape four times, even though he only had minor third degree burns from the salamanders he was raising. He also, had to endure listening to stories about Celestia Warbeck's latest romance that she had heard about from Witch Weekly. It is said that he swore to his seventh year class that he would try to never allow them to endure that._

Do not ask to see Hagrid's latest interesting creature. It will only turn out badly.

_This rule came out after the skrewts._

Do not say "what's the worst that can happen?"

"_I never thought that Mr. Potter would get his name put into the Goblet of Fire," grumbled Professor Sinistra to Madame Pomfrey afterward._

"_Karma," Madame Pomfrey sighed, already imagining the horrible injuries the boy would contract._

"_I, of course, saw it coming," Professor Trelawney said airily, who had come down to the staff lounge for once._

"_Don't you always?" Professor McGonagall sniffed._

"_Now, now, no need to fight," Professor Flitwick rushed to intervene._

_The two Professors only glared at each other.  
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Do not take Professor Dumbledore's lemon drops out of his office. The prank that will ensue the next day will not be encouraging.

_Professor McGonagall could only hiss at her classes, as she had to stay in her Animagus form for the whole day._

Do not make a bet with a Phoenix.

_Professor Dumbledore refused to comment on this one._

Never ever let these rules get out.

_The students will inevitably try to do something that will create a new rule, and this, usually involves destruction of some part of the school. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah, I wasn't going to make another. But I got bored. And it's midnight. And I don't feel like sleeping. So enjoy. Not very long.  
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****Rules Caused By**

**The Class of 1977…**

**Or at least 4 representatives…**

Sirius Black examined the rules list with interest. Having had to sneak into the teacher's lounge after having a close run-in with Filch, he had decided to examine what teacher's held in their sacred room. The only thing unusual was the list. After reading over it, he saw the last one.

_This, _he thought proudly to himself, _is undoubtedly a challenge._

And that was why he greeted his three roommates with,

"There's-a-list-in-the-teacher's-lounge-and-it-states-rules-for-teachers-and-we-need-to-get-a-new-rule-on-the-list-immediately."

The collective answer: "What?"

But, after about five minutes, of course James Potter agreed, and somehow, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were dragged into it. By the end of the year, they had lost 100 house points per month, and were nearly expelled five times. However, they did end up creating their own secret list hidden away in Dumbledore's office.

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Remember: screaming red heads are scary. Period.

_James somehow made it look like Professor Burbage had charmed Lily's hair green. Professor Burbage later had to go to a wizard therapist to talk about her vivid nightmares of ginger girls trying to kill her with giant butcher knives. The other Professors said she wasn't quite the same ever._

When there are slippery staircases, cancel classes for the day for Madam Pomfrey's health.

_She was in near hysterics when thirty kids were carted off to the infirmary, all with broken legs or arms, and more were coming. However, they never could prove who transfigured the staircases into ice._

Don't let any student convince the Headmaster to do something "fun" on Halloween or Christmas.

_Because giant, magically enlarged pumpkins can be scary when they start to dance… and then try to eat people. As are jousting ice sculptures that challenge people, and may accidentally gouge out someone's intestine. The unnamed person was fine… after a month in St. Mungo's and another month or so with Professor Burbage's therapist._

Try not to walk in on a "Who Can Make the Most Sexually Suggestive Pick-Up Line Games?" when James Potter and Sirius Black are giggling over in the corner. Sometimes, it's best not to know.

_McGonagall still paled when she thought of the parchment she confiscated during class._

Cancel all classes on April Fools.

_There's nothing that can describe this day._

Enjoy when the seventh years graduate.

_You've made it through seven years of hell with them, just hope you don't see them again. And remember, the rules always transfer over to the new students._


End file.
